You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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