he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
