Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
