ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i love accidental penises.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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