she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
