so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
