Someone shit on the floor
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
