she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
