You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
