what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
