This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
