I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
