It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
