Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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