I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize