well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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