Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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