Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize