We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
