ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
