Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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