I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
