my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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