So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found your dick twin last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
