Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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