if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
