if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize