There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
