Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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