Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
