I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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