every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
