i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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