tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Holy shit dude........stairs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
