Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
