did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
