I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize