He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
