Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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