Pregnant stripper...not hot.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
someone owes me an orgasm
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
