You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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