he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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