i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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