Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
