fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
