Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
