if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
