I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
