I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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