she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
