Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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