Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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