I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
