Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize