my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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