I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
