I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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