that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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