What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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