clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
