Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
