The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
