I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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