Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
