felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
