She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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