why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize