Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
