i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
