i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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