pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
