I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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