let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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