spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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